Dear Dogs and Cats,

To be posted VERY LOW on the

refrigerator door - nose height.



Dear Dogs and Cats,



The dishes with the paw print are

yours and contain your food. The other dishes are

mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a

paw print in the middle of my plate and food does

not stake a claim for it becoming your food and

dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in

the slightest.



The stairway was not designed by

NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the

bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help

because I fall faster than you can run.



I cannot buy anything bigger than

a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do

not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to

ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually

curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not

necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other

stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I

Also know that sticking tails straight out and

having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize

space is nothing but sarcasm.



For the last time, there is not a

secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I

beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it

is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn

the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to

pull the door open. I must exit through the same

door I entered. Also, I have been using the

bathroom for years --canine or feline attendance is

not mandatory.



The proper order is kiss me, then

go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot

stress this enough!